The life of a southern lawyer

One night sitting around drinking and swapping lies a respected source of wisdom declared “Boys, think about it. Your worst piece of ass was pretty good at the time”. For many years I truly believed that, but sadly it is not true. I have got to tell you that even for a guy there is such a thing as bad sex.

Recently, within the last 12 months, I was with a person who was just horrible. She did everything she could to pull my penis off in her version of a handjob. She then attempted to give a blowjob. I was ready for the change, thinking thanking my lucky stars she had turned me loose. I was wrong. She was all suction and teeth, no moisture – I swear I ended up with friction burns!

When we finally did have sex it was just awful. I spent the entire time wondering how long she would stay. I did everything I could think of to cum, but never did. After what seemed like forever I “faked it”. I am not kidding. I was never so happy to have someone leave I my life. It took a little while to get her to understand that I was not interested after that. I am sure she considers me a worthless shit for what amounts to a hit it and run, but how do you tell someone that you would rather use sandpaper on yourself than to let them near you again? Any suggestions?